Scariest, scarring Object.

What's the scariest thing on earth? Ghost...? Creepy crawlers? Or reptiles...? Natural disasters? End of the world?  Death? God's wrath?

It really depends on the individual, is it not?

I find money to be a terrifying object. How it can change a person without much persuasion. It doesn't have to talk nor whisper in our ears to do this or that.

They say, "money is the root to all evil". How true is that? Something that has no life in it, no flesh nor blood yet being the cause to all evil.

The irony.

It's only a temporary situation.

When things aren't going the way they're planned, it can be quite stressful. Telling myself countless of times that these obstacles are only temporary and that things will improve often kept me going. Just so everybody knows, to overcome difficult situations, we must never give up. It's easier said than done, I know, but no one says it's easy. Always remember that success doesn't come cheap. There's always a price to pay,  it costs a lot and not everyone pays the same price.
If everyone would try harder instead of being complacent,  our country can be one of the richest country in the world. I shall wait for that day to come.  Maybe not now...but I shall wait.

Things weren't as smooth on my part but it's definitely improving slightly. Whatever difficult situations I'm put in,  they're only temporary. It doesn't last a lifetime if I don't stop working on solving them.

Good day All.

Mooching your people...bah!

Hopelessness, despair.
Knowing the mentality of people working in certain ministry of the country worries me. Trying to bring down a co-worker, suing for defamation...unable to accept changes, jealousy towards their own subordinates, plagiarising papers!! These shouldn't happen at all.
I can't believe these are the kind of people we have running the country. Very disappointed and disgusted!!

I bet there are more stories than these few. Moochapartments and Moochervants. Hate it. Especially when Moochervants came up with useless,  meaningless, known-all-along training courses, nonsense policies (implement and abolish).

A waste of country's fund. We don't need anymore moochers. There are loads of them and going of the charts. They're really going to drain us dry.

My friends and I were talking over Pak Li' Chicken Chop and fries last night about the price hike in some basic stuff. Of course, petrol is always the main topic.

We hava a hypothesis...

1. Problem: Price hike in petrol (cut in subsidies)
2. Solution: Electric Cars! (Proton in the middle of designing the model)

Electric Cars- charging hubs.
1. Problem: Slowly....It becomes more and more expensive.
2. Solution: Nuclear Power Plant.

Hmm...is this all some kind of conspiracy? Anyways, above were just some of the discussions we had. 
Yes, we girls don't yap about mindless stuff or drrrooool over men. NO!!

When the brain doesn't sleep.

Those who are with me every day, know me, are aware that I have sleep disorder. Not because of depression or anything that is negative. Wait, how is that even possible? Well, I could be one of those who doesn't need that much sleep but am fully aware how it can affect my health. I mean, not sleeping for 3 days straight (not once) but still feeling fresh and energetic hardly convince me to stop this bad habit. Yeah, people around me are actually worried if this condition of mine continues.

I just can't help it, I did seek for help and apparently,  my brain is not coordinating very well with the state of my body. My brain just can't stop working, thinking of finding solutions to obstacles we're facing. Also, the probability of certain obstructions that might suddenly pop up without warning.

Getting enough rest is crucial for better decision making but this brain is too effin hyper. I do not deny that sometimes I do suffer from this disorder.  Like... short term memory loss. For example, I can't remember the password I reset for my Enrich account just a minute ago.

I have very good memory. Back then,  I can just remember every phone number and birthdays of my friends without much effort. Now, I can only say those were the days. But! I want it back.

Relationship status: It's complicated.

If fate was the reason,
it was right.
If it wasn't right,
then time wasn't right.

I've written this quite some time ago and saved it as a draft. I also deleted what I've jotted before. Why don't I just go straight to the point?

Known him for years. He liked me. And loves me. I liked and loved him. I really love intelligent people because of the knowledge I'm able to absorb from these intellectual people. One problem, I was in a relationship and he knew from day 1.

Friendship between us have been very decent until today even after my relationship status changed to single. He never fails to express his feelings. To build our future.  2 problems, NATO and I don't love him like before. I cannot be with someone who goes MIA from a few weeks to months then suddenly receive a call innthe wee hours from someone who is drunk.

I'm jotting these personal entry to release my curiosity of what type of person he really is. I'm happy that he's happy and thrilled to see me. It made me felt special. We still need our own space and privacy. I don't forbid him to do anything he wants including seeing another woman. Just because he says I fit all the criterias he has set to be his future life partner, doesn't mean he fits all mine.

Women are really complex creatures. The moment he says he can accept and absorb my past and doesn't mind what I did in the past turns me off. My switch is off. Lid of the box is closed and locked with a padlock in a heavy duty vault. Men can say 100 wonderful, touching things, the moment they say 101st wrong thing, thenother 100 things just blazed into flames and go poof.

Yes, we're complicated. Just saying.

Mean it.

I just don't understand why some people always say things they don't really mean. Don't do it out of obligation when it comes to making promises and giving hope.

When you make promises and give hope to someone, that someone will definitely have expectations from you. Just like that, you just don't do anything and leave it as it is can really be tormenting.
Why do you have to do that? I trusted you. Thanks to you,  I've change my view on being committed in a relationship.

I can now consider myself, money and insurance to be my lovers. Until the day I find a man who loves me more than I love myself. Till then.

Nothing to do with it

It's not that. It's just not it. It has nothing to do with my ex. I've love the climate of the countryside. Fresh cool air especially in the morning. I just love the sounds crickets make, toads croaking, birds chirping and also the greens and mist. Just so peaceful.

Most people often think I'm just a city girl who can't live without gadgets and the convenience of modern technology of online banking, net surfing , video streaming and so on. Well, yes. I don't deny. Only when the situation like, work, needs them.

My siblings and I were taught about life in the countryside. We visited the countryside almost every weekend. We camped, fish, built raft, swam in the pond, we helped our parents planted corn, rubber trees, durian, rambutan, jackfruit, bananas, limes etc. We even caught uninvited guests that preyed on our fish and fruits. Yes..the lizards and the monkeys. Arrrr!!!

So, basically, this place reminds me of my childhood memory. Although it's not the same but the feelings being in the countryside is the same.

Definitely has nothing to do with it.

Men? Dogs? Not all of course.

Okay, I don't mean all men are buaya darat. But my appearance has always been serious and icy. Even when I talk, I don't nasalised my voice to sound cute or whatever to attract other people's attention.
Back stage with my close friends, I'm different.  It's not my obligation to be myself when around acquaintances,  alright? There's always a barrier, a friggin thick wall in between.
So, since I never say or do anything that suggested anything, ANYTHING sexual topic at all. Who the f@#k do you think you are, asking me to sleep with you, huh?
Never in my life I've been humiliated and degraded by a prick like you. Just because I recently turn single doesn't mean I'm friggin cheap enough to sleep with men like you, you asshole. What do you take your girlfriend for, huh? Nonsense people, I don't even know why you are even in my acquaintance list!
Chauvinist,  bigot pig!

What's up with liars?

Liar...liar...pants on fire..
What's good about lying, cheating and scheming on innocent people? You only think about your short term happiness, never thought about hell. You can enjoy all the kind of enjoyment in your life now... I really wish you all the luck you can get and not bump into the ones you have conned before. I can't imagine how will it be for you.
I hate it when people are trying to con or lie to me as if I'm a 3-year-old. I mean, pleasela..kalau nak tipu pun, pandai2 la pilih org utk tipu kan? Tak tertipu kena ugut pulak. Bodoh la korg ni.
Boleh tak budak mentah tu cakap , "u jangan main-main" Bodoh ngkau.

Monologku: always becareful with these kids who have "gores dan menang" tickets. It's a scam. It is always a scam okay?

Just passing through, really.

Before its existence, they joined to form life.
Many were sacrificed for these unions,
for the sake of existence.
Not forgetting to mention the sacrifices made way before that.

Discrimination,  maybe? Grudges, maybe? Rejections, objections, dislikes of certain traits or attributes. Most of all, lackings.

When all challenges were overcame, and the existence of life were formed. Losing that form of existence is feared by many.

Probably. ..remembering that we're only passing through would help in comforting the mind, especially the heart.

Reminding ourselves that we'll pass by eventually and meet those who are  already at the end of the road is a happy thought.

Until next time,  kung kung, datuk, and brother... I miss you and I'll see you when the time comes.

Ps: We often forget to appreciate and be grateful that the people we love are still with us. It's not what we've lost but what's left with us.

Travelling in the East

So, after coming back from Taipei, I was so exhausted that I slept it off for 2 days. Same time zone,  but jet lag? Fiona,  you're so unbelievable.

Anyways,  I'll be heading to Cambodia soon and then to Bangkok.  Nothing to envy, just think of the money that's flowing out is comforting enough.

I don't want to feel negative about this whole thing because I chose it. It's always hard during the initial stages.  It'll be hard work but it often pays off.  I will not regret if I didn't make it this year.  At least I learnt something valuable and will avoid mistakes in the future.

You see, unlike the fortunate ones,  I had to start from scratch,  building my own network without much help or encouragement from my own family.  I had no one to teach me how to do business or how to run one. No one's going to feed me just like that.  Reading is obviously not enough...it's a little discouraging when people say you're average so do what average people do.

Remember my favourite poem by Robert Frost, The road not taken? I'm pretty much choosing the road not taken. Ever since I was a kid, I've always had the idea that I'm not going to live a simple and contented life. It's crazy when it's baseless.  Somehow,  I just want to try, you know?  There are chances I might succeed and fail but I'm not going to give just yet.

Talking about expanding my network.  Oh gawd! !! What's with people nowadays?  Not a little of decency...it's always about getting intimate, which leads to you-know-what. I'm not interested in those.  How frustrating it is when people think that I'm there to look for entertainment. ..it's really a slap in the face. It's reality.  No one's really into expanding their friend's list for anything decent. 
*facepalm ai-yai-yai

It's hard for a chick definitely not for a guy, I think.

"How big is the universe? No one knows.That's how much I want to give back to the society when I have the money and power"

Cheerios!

Travelling Solo

Not that I never fly on my own or going to the airport on my own. But, internationally. ..? Nopey. Often in groups yet, my very first solo flight abroad is even longer than  travelling with companies.

Can't wait for my next- even longer flight somewhere. 

It's sort of interesting although it was done unintentionally.  In my case,  I bought the wrong flight because I was given the wrong flight details. And only God knows what I am going to do to her when I see her there.

Anyways,  I pretty much decided everything this time because planning takes a lot of time and I often leave it to my travel partners to handle everything. Just tell me how much and I'll pay. No point asking me where I want to go especially when I've never been there myself other than googling the places.  Often than not, pretty envy the photographers who took the photos. Being tricked too many times eventually made me uninspired to plan any trip.

It doesn't take that long to plan one actually. Anyways,  I'm at rhe departure hall waiting for boarding. Till I reached the backpacker's hostel.  Yeeha!!

Flying to KK thinner.

The last time I flew to Kota Kinabalu, Sabah was for a wedding and also the first wedding I attended in Sabah. Today, after 2 years, I'm going to Sabah for a wedding.

Our relationship are too close not to attend.  I would even attend both receptions if the bride and groom come from different places, which...I actually did for these two good friends of mine.
Well, we all know each since our university days and became close just like that. I missed one of Zurin's wedding because I was back in Sarawak and being unemployed at the time doesn't allow me to travel.
We are fond of one another, even their husbands enjoy each husbands' company.
It's the kind of life I would definitely love to be in.
As our friendship grew so was my body. I expanded and was really really overweight. I was 25kgs overweight.
Friends who are always say lose weight:
☆ before getting married. You want good wedding potraits for your children to see.
★ if you want to get pregnant. You do not want to be carrying EXTRA kilos when you're having a baby. It would be a hard pregnancy experience because your legs, feet not to mention your spine which are fragile and irreplaceable to support the heavy weight.
☆etc.

So, I was fat when I attended the first wedding in Sabah and I have lost weight, so, I'll be meeting most of my friends tomorrow and attend a second wedding in Sabah looking thinner.

Updates:
By the way, I missed the flight.

monologku: Bila dah berjaya mengurangkan berat badan, tak perlu aku bagitau yang sekarang ni,  aku rasa lebih cergas, otak pum cerdas.

It's not F.O.C.

Recently,  I've read something online and it proves that it's not really the big fish that eats the small fish. It's the fast that eats the slow ones. Familiar? Yea, I read it somewhere many years ago. Just the title though. But I do understand what it conveys.

It's meaningless after you fail for not putting in more effort and resenting whoever for whatever that had happened. Your failure is because you didn't not because they didn't. It is not their obligation to feed you. They can show you how but not feed you. It's not their job. They're not your parents.

So...stop saying only so and so race at the top management,  only so and so race are the directors. Why do u think they owned the company? Why are they at the top while you're at the bottom? Why do you think it's not fair that they make profits that are so ridiculously high and questioned their ethics in doing business?

Let me ask you these questions.

◆Where were you when their business is only on a piece of paper?

◇Where were you when they were brainstorming on their business strategy?

◆Where were you the day the name of the company was officially registered?

Now, do you get it?

So, it's not really about burdening the consumers. The consumers have the right not to purchase. For you to actually revealing the actual cost of a product your company is marketing to the public. Pnc didn't come across your mind?

I mean by doing that...how can a different company hire you because of the things you did? You might resign and reveal the company's information to others. The public migjt think you're a hero. But I don't think you made any difference because the company is still around, expanded and yes, still selling their product.

I don't really know your story and I don't want to know.  These are only my opinions and it's based on how you conveyed the message. I'll briefly rephrase them in point form.
☆This race
★Top positions no other race.
☆Cheat other races.
★Only think about money, no heart.

So, those are the main ideas of that message. Although the message did include the marketing strategies and the profits made. Those are just the elaboration.

Don't question my credibility, okay? I'm a trained professional. I know how to mark an essay (referring to the message)

Suddenly,  why so serious you think. If you want to know, haha! I think korang mesti pengsan. I menyibuk je. Benda ni langgsung takde kena mengena dgn saya pun. Company mana satu I pun tak tau, penulis tu pun tak tau siapa. Hahah!

U know la, I tak suka org meracuni fikiran org lain dgn bahas yg tak munasabah okay? Sebab org  punya profit margin lagi tinggi dan lagi kaya dari kita org. Kita je yang tak bijak sgt. Kalau kita adalah founder company tu, kita yg kaya. So, my point is this. We're not the founder nor the co-founder, tak payah nak dengki pastu hasut org awam. Lagi nak bongkar rahsia syarikat. Ishh..dengki tahap cipan ni. Tak payah nak graduate doktor falsafah dah ada PHD, bagus kan?

monologku: "Success is not free of charge. You need to pay for it...and it's very expensive."- Mine, 2013.

Ps: Hai O rupanyerr (25.5.2013 )

New beginning.

I have the urge to go different paths,  a decision which is considered risky and stupid for some who prefer stability. Actually, I have been having that thought. It's just that no one would actually give proper encouragement and would demotivate me from going for that risky idea of mine.
Business is hard. Too many competitions. If I'm not sharp or quick enough, I'll fall behind. If I am fast but lack the creativity needed for this idea of mine, I will definitely fail.
I have to think positively about this. Don't mind failing if it teaches me something. I have nothing to lose.

Just let me fail if you want to be right!

Be different and I am without much effort. Problem with wanting to be unique is difficult when society and family have expectations. When their expectations are not met, they say "if you are average, then you are. There's nothing you can do to be more than that". However,  when it comes to their expectations of you, they say different things "You're smart,  intelligent and always think outside of the box. You'll definitely make it"

I cannot but ponder what sort of double standards that they're pulling. This type of behaviour confuses me even more and have put me on hold for a period of time so I decided to take the road not taken although they say I'm an average person who has no creativity.
I'll never know if I never fail.
I'll never know you're right if I never fail.
My failures will be on me if I tried.
My failures will be on you if you won't let me.
Yes, coming from grudges.

Thank you for the motivation. A leap I shall leap.

From Friend to Acquaintance

Unlike in Facebook, we can't "unfriend" our friends in reality. Normally, we would just take a step further from that friend hoping the distance is far enough.

Conflicts often affect friendship. However, time heals all pain and everything will go back as it was but not the same.

In a clique or in our life,  we always have that one friend who is different,  troublemaker. I don't know what kind of friend I was but I do know I treat them well and nice. I was the naive one.

Being nostalgic and all because of a dream I had about an ex boyfriend of mine. Really really out of the blue and for the first time. Memories of the past rushed into my head.

We were young, my friends and I. Now, that I'm older. Those past really angered me. I was hurt, betrayed. How could they put me into those kind of situations where I could've gotten hurt? They, I meant friends I know of different times.

I had someone I really like courting me snatched. Oh, yes. She knew I liked him. She didn't know him until I mentioned him to my friends. Until today, she has no idea what she has done and no idea what another friend of ours said about her because of this.
I was also put in situations where I could've gotten raped. Fortunately and I thank God for protecting me. I always get away with it even when they left me with the other person. "They" different person. Never in my right mind would do that to any of my friends. So, how could they?

So, girls...careful with whom you're friends with. Always trust yourself and no one when it comes to your own safety.

So, can I downgrade their status from friend to acquaintance? Already done that for years.

It's not that I'm lazy...

A complete sloth if you ask my brother. "If there's a sleeping marathon, you would definitely win it and would still be sleeping even though the event is over." Hmmm..would definitely love that if there is ONE!!

Reason we sleep is because we're tired not because we're lazy.
But in my case, I was told by a health advisor that I have sleep disorder.

He says it's a disease.
Urmm..okay. .disease.
It seems to him that I lack calcium.
Urmm. .okay.. calcium.
He also mentioned that my body and my brain are not cooperative.
Urmm. .okay.. cause.

So, okay then! It's because of the disease amd not because I'm lazy. I can accept that.

Ps: This was written long ago but...the date ia recent. Using mobile version of Blogger. Therefore, yeah..

What is?

Sometimes I forget where I am.
And I don't remember what I did.

I loss count of days.
What date is today?

When I woke, nothing is left.
Cheer up I say, choose one.

Road not taken forgets to mention junctions, paths, and streets.
Idling.