Well, the first thing I was diagnose with something wasn't really clear actually. It was in 1996. Lymph nodes on my right neck was/is swollen. Went for ultrasound few years ago, doc says they're muscle. Urmm..ok. so nothing is wrong with me then.
I was happy and contented until earlier this year. There's pain on my neck and I feel feverish. I thought I was dehydrated so I drank more plain water. I felt better.
Then one day I woke up, feeling feverish, and felt my neck was swollen. Looked in the mirror, saw my neck has gotten more swollen than before. And it still is. It's not painful but sometimes it sores and when I pinch it.
And I have hair loss problem then. My first bald patch was in 1998, 2nd one in 2005 and 2014. Biggest patch is the one I currently have right now plus...I have another one developing at the top of my head. Makes me wonder if I should get a better wig to cover my head just in case if it gets bigger because the previous two were quite disappointing.
I have thin straight hair and losing hair like this isn't fun. But I've come to a point where I would just let go if I really become bald and not to make a big deal out of this condition. As long as it's not contagious nor dangerous to me and others, I'll just live with it together with a wig. Hahah! How I love my hair then. One thing I'm worried about is, it's hereditary.
Right at this moment, I have pain on my left hip. It felt my hip is hemorrhaging as if there's internal bleeding. Numbness and pain that is quite bearable. The kind of pain we have in our bones when we have fever. And yes, I'm feeling feverish at the moment. As I rubbed it just a moment ago before I decided to do this entry, I felt the pain is too much and the thought of I might be dying came across my mind. It is still painful and that spot is warmer than the rest of my body.
I wanted to go for full body check up. Check everything from head to toe. MRI etc. Even so, it's bloody expensive plus, only when I get paid then I can go right? The irony of having been busy working for the past months but not a sen in the pocket yet. Well, not yet. That's one of the challenges one has to face when one takes the road not taken. It can be sad at times but one has to stay strong. Never forget those who stood by you when you're in the pit. I know mine very well, do you?
Sickness, diseases are common as we age. I have so many fears especially when it comes to my health. Living with fine dust, second hand smoke, noise pollution makes me wonder if I would live long.
Reason I'm writing this entry, probably it's a will of some sort. Lol! It's not funny actually. I don't know what my future holds. I might die, and I'm not suicidal. I feel ill and pain here and there. Something is definitely wrong with my body. Until I have my check-up only then I can feel at ease. Just in case if it's postpone like it always does, I have to write something right? No point telling anyone about it because I don't need the consolation because I'm an optimist, plus there's nothing they can do about it. Everyone has their own lives to manage. Besides, these are only symptoms. And I did the craziest thing a few weeks ago, I told my business partner and my siblings what picture I would like to use as my funeral picture as below. Business partner ask to email the pic. My siblings speechless. Haha and yes not supposed to be funny.
Just in case if I die, all my assets will be divided among these people.
1. Parents. 10%
2. Siblings. 5% (asset)
3. Children (if any). 25% (trust fund) (no children: divide equally among siblings with existing percentage given (10% each)
4. Benefactors (list) 10% equally.
5. Charity. 50% ( trust fund to support animal shelter & social business)
I must be dreaming. Haha! Better than nothing right?
Ps: Reason I post something here is, nobody I know reads this. (^.^)
Anyways, will update on the state of my health/body.
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